


Stealing Beauty

by Azyungel



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Dwarf Courting, Erebor, Humor, It All Ends Well, M/M, Mirkwood, Post-Battle of Five Armies, Rivendell | Imladris, Stealing, The One Ring - Freeform, The Shire, courting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28184322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azyungel/pseuds/Azyungel
Summary: In which the ravens of Erebor are not very bright, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins steals the One Ring thanks to a plan devised by Thorin that goes terribly wrong, and a long-expected courtship keeps getting postponed. Oh, and Bilbo is extremely frustrated but endures it all patiently.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	Stealing Beauty

**Author's Note:**

> This story emerged as I was writing Chapter 20 of my work Love Is A Shield, where, having been warned that a certain ring could bring evil to Erebor, Bilbo and Thorin contemplate different scenarios concerning its fate before they enter the Lonely Mountain upon their return from Mirkwood. The following is what could happen if they choose to send the ring to the Shire via a pack of ravens. This one-shot story should make sense even if you haven’t read Love Is A Shield. If you have read it, please be assured that this is NOT how things will play out in that story, but an alternate scenario I couldn’t resist having fun with :)) I hope you enjoy it!!

“Here is my plan,” Thorin spoke to Bilbo in a low, even voice as they reached the gates of Erebor. “We send ravens to the Shire with the ring, and they’ll drop it down your chimney in Bag End. The ring will thus stay hidden in the Shire; your house is empty, and you once told me that you like to think your parents’ spirits guard that house, protecting it with their love. I trust that no evil will come to it. And Bilbo... if you should want to return home one day, you will have the ring again.”

“Very well, Thorin. Go ahead and send the ring with your ravens. But I’m telling you,” and now Bilbo’s face became fierce as if facing a menacing enemy, “my cousin Lobelia Sackville-Baggins probably watches my house like a hawk as it is. If the ring winds up with her in my absence...”

“I’ll have your house watched too,” Thorin reassured him. “I’ll order my ravens to remain outside it, and if anything suspicious happens they will report back to me, not to mention they will know where the ring is and will be able to retrieve it if need be.”

Bilbo was unconvinced. Yet he consented to Thorin’s plan, and thus the ring was sent to the Shire.

* * *

“Bilbo... wake up.”

Bilbo had been living in the Mountain for six months now. Life had been comfortable, but he would have lied if he had said it was happy. Since he had parted with his ring, he had not felt at ease at all. A longing for the Shire threatened to consume him, and he spent many lonely nights wondering if the ring was safe in his home’s fireplace. His mind kept shifting between Erebor and Bag End; he had never been so torn in his life!

Much to his disappointment, despite having shared a few special moments here and there before they reached Erebor, his relationship with Thorin had not progressed beyond friendship. Bilbo attributed this to the fact that Thorin was busy all the time with the restoration of his kingdom. He didn’t know this, but Thorin wanted to court him in ways dictated by their strict tradictions, that were even more high-standard when applied to a Dwarf king, and that, among other things, included showering one’s intended with special gifts. The reason why Thorin had not managed to start the courting process was that, while he did work hard on producing said gifts, he knew they could not replace the real thing, and was still not sure what exactly Bilbo preferred. So the months passed only in comfortable friendship.

“What is it, Thorin?” asked Bilbo in surprise. It must have been something particularly troublesome to make Thorin come to his room in the middle of the night!

“Two of my ravens have returned from the Shire. They bring news of your ring.”

Bilbo jolted out of bed immediately. “Tell me everything.”

“Unfortunately, it appears the ring is now in the hands of your cousin, Lobelia. It took the ravens a long time to piece the puzzle together, but it seems she acquired it at an auction held at your house...”

“An auction? Why would there be an auction held at my house?”

“It sounds like you were declared dead.”

“And I’m learning about this now? Thorin!! I thought your ravens were supposed to watch my house!! To make sure nothing bad is happening! An auction being held because I was considered dead counts as a bad thing, does it not? How could your ravens miss that?!”

“I asked them that. They say they didn’t miss it. They just didn’t notice anything suspicious, other than your possessions being taken away. They thought the ring was still safe in the fireplace, so they didn’t think to report back to me.”

“But an auction with my possessions being taken away, is that not a big deal?”

“I’m so sorry, Bilbo. I think they were just focused on the ring and nothing else. These ravens can be a bit obtuse sometimes. That doesn’t excuse them, of course. They missed Lobelia taking the ring too. Apparently she exited Bag End peacefully at the end of that day, and they thought nothing of it.”

“All right. So, aside from the fact that I lost all my possessions, what’s going on with my ring at the moment?”

“It seems Lobelia uses it frequently for stealing purposes.”

Bilbo was fuming by this point. “I don’t like this at all. This was _your_ plan, Thorin!”

“I know,” Thorin sighed heavily. “It was a terrible idea. Bilbo... just say the word and we’ll go to the Shire and get the ring back, along with everything else you lost.”

“Good thing it is still summer. We’re leaving tomorrow!”

And so Thorin left Balin and Fili in charge of the restoration and left with Bilbo the next day, in a hurry.

* * *

Four months later, Bilbo stepped into an empty home, and so distressed was he that he didn’t even have a bed to sleep on that he decided he and Thorin would spend the foreseeable nights at an inn in Bree. Little did he know that Lobelia had checked in at the same inn, traveling incognito while planning an important next step in her thieving career.

She had exhausted all places of stealing interest in the Shire and was now thinking of moving towards Rivendell. She had sold all stolen goods in Bree and deposited the money she obtained in a safebox. She was now planning on retrieving said money and making for Rivendell, but first she needed to take care of one little problem. As she was well aware dwarves from the Blue Mountains often times passed through Bree, she thought of hiring one or two to accompany her to Rivendell, as she worried a bit about her safety on the road. Her upcoming robbery schemes she would naturally keep to herself...

As soon as she laid eyes on Thorin (who was sitting at the bar waiting for beers to take to his and Bilbo’s rooms), impressed at once with his muscular build and majestic appearance, she decided he would make the perfect bodyguard for her needs; so she immediately approached him. So knowledgeable and vulnerable she appeared to him as a pretend damsel in distress, that Thorin was ready to agree at once to help her out. However, he managed to keep his wits and request to consult with his “business partner”, as he chose to call Bilbo while residing at the inn. 

On he went to their rooms bringing this news along with the beers, and as soon as Bilbo walked out of his room and beheld Lobelia, the foulest string of Khuzdul (in which he had become quite proficient by this time) came out of his mouth. He brought his hands to her throat, eager to strangle her, only to be stopped by a panicked Thorin.

“Bilbo, please! Let me handle this. I take it this is your cousin?”

“Where is it?” Bilbo shrieked. “Where do you keep it, you vile creature?”

Thorin broke them apart and tried in vain to be diplomatic. Lobelia kept saying that she wouldn’t answer any questions without her lawyer, and refused to be searched. When Bilbo and Thorin tried to tie her hands and take her to their rooms, she caused the greatest scandal ever witnessed in Bree by claiming... well, I don’t have to tell you what she claimed; you get the idea. Bilbo and Thorin were lucky it was night time, or they would have been arrested on the spot. As soon as the owner of the inn began questioning them, Lobelia escaped easily (without even having to use the ring) and thus their chance was lost.

A few months passed until they saw her again. In the meantime, Bilbo recovered his possessions, and he and Thorin spent a miserable week in Bag End, trying to move forward. Since Lobelia had mentioned to Thorin she was going to Rivendell, they decided to go there as well. She was still there when they arrived, staying invisible as best as she could. She was not eager to leave the place, as an object of great beauty had caught her eye: the shiny necklace that Arwen, daughter of Elrond, was seen wearing at all times. Sadly, Lobelia did not have the fine fingers required for stealing the necklace without causing even the slightest disturbance (even with a sleeping Arwen and an invisible Lobelia, something could still go very wrong), and she greatly feared the powerful magic of Elrond, which was palpable everywhere in Rivendell. So she bid her time, waiting for a stroke of luck, and perhaps enjoying the challenge posed by the necklace.

Bilbo enjoyed himself greatly in peaceful Rivendell, which caused a bit of strain in his friendship with Thorin, who was always jealous of Elves when it came to him. As Thorin felt utterly incompetent for mishandling the ring to such horrific effect, his confidence was understandably low by this point, and Bilbo loving the company and conversation of Elves, praising architecture made by Elves and enjoying stories written and told by Elves was the last straw. So, I’m afraid their relationship did not advance to the next level while they stayed there; and pitiable indeed was Thorin as he contemplated how big of a setback this was in his courting plans.

Eventually, Arwen left Rivendell to vacation with her grandmother in Lothlorien, and Lobelia was forced to give up trying to steal the necklace for good. Happening upon Radagast one day, who had come to inform Elrond of trouble at the edge of Mirkwood, she hitched herself a ride on his rabbit-pulled sleigh (while invisible, of course), and in no time she was walking the halls of the Woodland Realm, inspecting the territory with great curiosity.

Bilbo and Thorin soon realized she was gone, as Elrond observed with much relief that he could no longer feel a negative presence in his home. In trying to determine where she could have gone next, the Woodland Realm came up as the best candidate, so they went there next. It took them weeks to reach it; by the time they arrived, Lobelia had set her eyes on the gems of Lasgalen that adorned Thranduil’s bedroom, and she was well on her way to snatching them.

Thus Bilbo and Thorin had to once more seek hospitality from Thranduil and explain to him the reason for their visit. Thranduil, an early _great_ admirer of Bilbo’s ring, could not help a few biting remarks on the irony of it all, and of course tried to take advantage. “What will you give me in exchange for my aid?” he asked with great satisfaction. Thorin rushed to promise a big share of his treasure in Erebor; yet Thranduil was unmoved. As some of you may recall, Thorin had _temporarily_ left the Arkenstone in the Woodland Realm as a thanks to Thranduil for healing Fili and Kili after the Battle of Five Armies. “How about I get to keep the Arkenstone for good?” the Elvenking asked this time. Scandalized, Thorin refused at once and, although Bilbo echoed his feelings, let’s just say that this turn of events didn’t help Thorin initiate a proper courtship ritual either...

It turned out Thranduil’s aid was not needed after all, for Lobelia soon managed to steal the jewels of Lasgalen and quickly removed herself from the Woodland Realm, making towards the Lonely Mountain. Thranduil noticed the disappearance of his beloved jewels and, since he hadn’t been able to see Lobelia at all and thus doubted her existence, he pinned the robbery on Bilbo and Thorin, who were very real, their anger displayed before his eyes supplying him with a motive. Yet before he could question them, they too vanished, impatient to catch up with the elusive thief.

Lobelia sold the gems in the Dale marketplace for a good price, to one of Dain’s dwarves who was not acquainted with them. Then she asked for shelter in Erebor, pretending once again to be a damsel in distress, and Balin, generous and of a compassionate heart, was glad to receive her in the Mountain’s sweet embrace.

By the time he and Bilbo reached Erebor, Thorin was really fed up. He was ready to abdicate, go back to the Blue Mountains, and thus live somewhat close to Bilbo, whom, he assumed, nothing would now stop from going back to the Shire. He could try to court him there without the pressures of being a king and without so many rules imposed by tradition. Asking Bilbo out for a drink would probably be a fine place to start there!

Lobelia visited all the places she could find in Erebor, looking for things of value. Although she had easy access to it, the gold became dull to her in no time; it was too easily obtainable and no challenge at all. Aside from that, the Dwarven kingdom was too active a place for her; things were moving at a fast pace when it came to working with precious stones, and thus she never got a good look at them.

She was almost getting ready to leave, a bit underwhelmed, when she decided to make one last stop, to Thorin’s private workshop that he had used during his first few months in Erebor, before leaving for the Shire with Bilbo... There lay many works of art in various stages of completion, most of them involving flowers. Thorin had attempted to make flowers of glass, of stone, of ice, and of light and gems. His results lay on the floor, untouched for all those months that he had been gone.

Lobelia stepped inside the workshop and beheld Thorin’s works of art, and her heart immediately desired them. She collected all of them in a big sack, and thought to herself, _I’d better go back to the Shire now. I have seen the world and had some fun. I have finally found some things of great beauty. I will take them with me, and hopefully I can bail myself out of prison when I get there, and live a comfortable life._ She was about to try, once again, to hire a dwarf or two to help her on her journey home, when Thorin noticed the absence of his beloved creations, and all hell broke loose.

“She was here, Bilbo!” he said in anguish, showing the hobbit the cold empty floor of his workshop.

“What am I looking at?” Bilbo asked in confusion.

“My... things... have disappeared. They were here only yesterday! I’ve been checking on them ever since we arrived!”

“What “things”?”

“My... They were my...” Thorin broke down sobbing and ran out of the workshop.

“She must have really liked your art,” Bilbo observed thoughtfully as he tried to comfort Thorin a few minutes later. “If she took them all, that means your art must have been very beautiful. Stop being so secretive, Thorin, and tell me whatever you were doing here. I recall many nights when you said you’d be busy meeting with advisors. Is this what you were doing instead? Burning the midnight oil in the forge? Please, do tell.”

“If I tell you, you’re not going to believe what a fool I am,” said Thorin miserably. “Please, allow me one last drop of dignity.”

“Very well. Then let me propose that you go out right now and position yourself outside at the gates of the Mountain and proceed to work on one of those creations, whatever they are. You don’t have to show it to me. But hopefully Lobelia will see it, and try to steal it before she decides to leave your kingdom. And I’ll be waiting and watching from a distance; trust me, I’ll catch her if it’s the last thing I do!”

Thorin went to the forge, and blended four of the precious rings that had been left from his grandfather, creating four flower petals out of them; and in the middle he placed a golden gem. Then he walked outside and began painting the four ring-petals in bright blue, in everyone’s view. “Wow,” the dwarves of Erebor exclaimed, “our king must have finally decided to settle down. Nothing can speak of serious intentions as this overt gesture. That’s the best courting strategy ever: the king putting on a show of himself making a quality product for his intended.” Bilbo watched and listened in astonishment, and Lobelia soon arrived and waited for Thorin to finish. When he did, he left the product there in plain view, and went back inside the Mountain, at which point she jumped at the beautiful ornament now left unattended. Bilbo saw the flower move “by itself” and quickly launched himself at the spot, catching Lobelia’s hand and biting her fingers viciously. He was stronger than her, not to mention he still held possession of Sting, so it was no effort to seize her and take the ring off her finger. Thorin and his Company joined them promptly, and she was finally arrested.

When she revealed the contents of the sack, Bilbo asked her privately: “Why did you take these objects? What significance do they have to you?”

“They are obviously courting gifts,” she said with an eyeroll. “They reminded me of me and my husband in better days. Now all we do is argue.”

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear,” said Bilbo. “Let me look at them. Perhaps Thorin will let you have one.”

“No, you stupid idiot, he won’t. He made them all for you, can’t you tell?”

“How am I supposed to be able to tell?” Bilbo asked with much frustration.

“Hmm... let’s see... because they’re... flowers? And I gathered this much during my short stay here, that Dwarves are... not really into flowers? And you’re... well, except for me as of late, you’re, like, the only hobbit around here for many miles? So who else are they going to be for?”

Bilbo opened his mouth to say something. He didn’t know what was more amazing, the idea that Thorin had made all those beautiful, undwarflike things, or that Lobelia of all people had figured out that they were meant for him!

“So, we should send her back to the Shire with an escort to accompany her,” Thorin addressed him after he briefly consulted with Nori, his top specialist in stealing matters. “I assume you want the ring to stay here, so we’ll plan on that for now. As for the money she stole, the escort will take it and distribute it as best he can among the hobbit victims of the Shire.”

“Hold it, King Under the Mountain!” they heard a voice rising from the heights of Dale. Thranduil had arrived on his Elk, with a small army at his back. “You or one of your own must have stolen my gems! If you don’t give them back, I will take something else precious of yours!” and he eyed Bilbo with no subtlety at all.

“Mistress Lobelia,” asked Thorin calmly, “do you have any idea where the Elf's gems might be?”

“I sold them to a Dwarf in Dale,” she answered. “He was all too happy to buy them for his wife, he said. I don’t know where he is now.”

“All right,” said Thorin with relief. “We will sort this out easily. One moment, King Thranduil. Let me finish my business with Master Baggins’ cousin, and I’ll be right with you. So,” he turned to Bilbo and Lobelia, “we will let the Shire authorities deal with Mistress Lobelia as they see fit.”

“I’d like a word in private with you, Thorin,” said Bilbo, pulling him aside, while Lobelia made sweet eyes at Thranduil as if she was supposed to offer him hospitality. “You know, I was almost resigned to the idea that she had it. It wasn’t so bad. Let someone else deal with all that treachery. I don’t know if I want it back. You also said we could give it to Dain, right?”

“Perhaps. It’s been a few months since Dain and I talked about it, though, and he’s not here anymore. I’d have to broach the subject with him again.”

“She just... she seemed very capable at using the ring. It seemed like she’d just go on stealing; overall that’s not so bad. As I recall, the fate of the world is at stake when it comes to the ring. Well... Lobelia seems like a good fit...”

“Yes, Bilbo. But the ring could harm her. We don’t want that, do we?”

“Of course I don’t want her to get harmed. But she has shown incredible resilience to its evil. Perhaps what you don’t know can’t harm you; the ring may be less dangerous in the keeping of someone who is totally oblivious to its power. All right, now I sound like Gandalf. Forget it.”

“No, you speak the truth, Bilbo. Let us send the ring back with her, and warn her that the Shire inhabitants will now know how she can become invisible, and both she and the ring will easily be found if she tries to steal anything again. Plus, I can have my ravens watch her house, and as soon as they detect any funny business...”

“No, Thorin. Seriously,” said Bilbo half-amused. “I suppose you can keep them around her if you want to have regular correspondence with her, but otherwise... please. No more ravens.”

Thorin gave Lobelia one of the flowers he had made. “Just don’t tell anyone the King of Erebor gave it to you,” he said with a threat in his voice. “I don’t want to think what that will do to my reputation, seeing as how I’ll be trying to court a male hobbit at the same time,” he went on muttering to himself. She happily accepted, and so the ring was sent back to the Shire once more. While Lobelia found that she was not interested in stealing anymore, she took up playing innocent pranks on people instead. Overall, the ring was safe in her keeping, and the Shire lived at peace for many years to come.

Thranduil ended up staying for a few days in Erebor, while Thorin and his Company searched fervently for the dwarf who had gained possession of the precious jewels of Lasgalen. When they found him, Thorin spent much of his treasure to retrieve the gems, as the dwarf claimed he had bought them in good faith at a high price and wasn’t going to part with them easily. The affair, though settled, left a bitter taste in Thorin’s mouth, and after the Elvenking left, he took the four-ringed flower he had made out of the heirlooms of his House and retreated to his forge. He was brought down by this unhappy event that could only show Bilbo once again how greedy dwarves were when it came to treasure; and no more hope did he have that he could show Bilbo how different from all this a dwarf in love could be...

Bilbo found him there a few hours later, clutching the precious flower in his hand while he contemplated all of his other creations, once again arranged neatly on the floor.

“Thorin...” said Bilbo approaching timidly, his eyes tearing, “you made all of these... for me?”

“Yes,” said Thorin. “Each of them was... a way of telling you I love you. I just didn’t get around to actually give one to you, though I’ve been meaning to for the longest time. Do you like any of them?”

“I like all of them,” said Bilbo. “They are so different from each other, and yet so alike. I guess that means that you’ll always tell me in a new way? That you love me, that is? If that is still... the case,” he finished apprehensively.

“It is,” said Thorin. He offered Bilbo the blue-golden flower. “I love you. And you are correct. I want these words to always be new to you. To love you always in a new way. One for each world in which I got to know you.”


End file.
